Which Me?

“Which Me?” – Alexandra Squyres (World Race Mobilization Specialist) In response to:

“Ok, if you were creating a World Race blog, what name would you use? Allie or Alexandra?”

Alexandra is my expert in all things World Race, our 11 countries in 11 months trip. She is the person you know is always telling the truth. She’s also the person that is serious about her job, but at about 4:30 on most days, her goofy side shows through.

At work I feel like the question “Which Me” comes up a lot. We are often times a different version of us at work. That’s why I love seeing co-workers outside of work, because you get to see new sides of them.

But my life constantly has me asking “Which Me?”

Which me would you like to be in charge of the budget?

– The me that finds several things on every trip to Target that I NEED?

OR

– The me that says you have $1.75 a day to eat off of and shows you how many meals you can make out of a $0.50 bag of split peas?

Which me would you like to do your laundry?

– The me that insists on reading and following all the instructions on the labels?

OR

– The me that will wash all of the laundry but HATES to put it away?

Which me do you want to ask an opinion of?

– The me that agrees with you, but isn’t fully honest?

OR

-The me that always points out the flaws I see, because I think that’s actually helping?

I’ve discovered overtime that there are parts of me that different people need at different times.

On Sunday, I never give Carl my honest opinion on how the music for that morning’s worship went, even if he asks for it. We are both tired and I never seem to say it sensitively enough and he always takes it too personally. I have learned that he does want to hear my honest opinion, just later on in the week when he’s a few days away from it.

Sometimes my sister needs someone to act goofy with her and sometimes she needs someone to confide in.

Sometimes friends need me to cry with them and sometime they need me to laugh with them.

We all have these relationships that ask different things of us.

Sometimes I call different people depending on if I need someone to complain with me or if I need someone to tell me to get over myself. Sometimes I call different people depending on if I want a quiet cup of coffee and time to catch up with a friend or if I want to have a fun girls night out. Sometimes I clean for 10 hours straight, sometimes I just want to read in my bed all day. Sometimes I fall asleep at 9:30 sometimes I’m up until 3.

The funny thing is I never seem to get the me that I need.

When I need to clean, I don’t want to get out of bed. When Carl wants a lazy Saturday, I only see the things that need to be done. When I need to stay up to finish something, I can’t keep my eyes open. When I need to get to sleep for boot-camp the next morning, I can’t get to sleep.

The good thing is, it doesn’t stress me out as much as it used to.

It’s not a which me anymore. If the house isn’t as clean as I want, that’s just reality; a true reflection of me and my life. If I can’t stay up late to get something done, that’s just reality of what my body can do. There is always tomorrow. If my friends reach out to me, they know my heart, they know the love that I have for them, even though I’m not perfect.

I’m always striving to be better organized, more flexible, and more relaxed, but I’m coming to grips with the fact that I am growing out of the “Which Me” mentality. I know that the God I serve made me the way I am.

I started with a quote, so let me end with one:

“Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.” – Dr. Suess